Love and Loss

Yes, this is ripped from the headlines. Ironically, this was inspired by an episode of Rizzoli & Isles. I watch too much television.

Tony watched the steam billowing out of his shower for a quick second before stepping in. He stood under the stream and let the water completely overtake his body.

The team had just completed an emotionally difficult case, and while taking a moment to check the news Tony caught wind of a story which had quickly gone viral - a man had sacrificed himself to save his wife and unborn child during an auto accident.

Tony tried to find comfort in the warmth of the water. He couldn't get out of his head, though. His mind raced with thoughts of people he had loved, people he had lost, good people who had gone too soon, and the few for whom he would have given his life.

He thought about his mother. He loved her. He missed her. He wished, his whole life, that he had taken the time to get to know her.

He thought about Kate. He never really understood that situation. They joked like brother and sister, yet they had flirted like high schoolers. Maybe if they had had more time something would have happened between them. All he knew was that he loved her, and that in some weird way she was family.

He thought about Ziva and banged the side of his fist against the tile. That situation he did understand; he was in love with her. He knew that at some point she had been in love with him, but he had screwed it up. She had no feelings for him anymore. They still got physical every now and then but nothing would ever come of it. He lost his chance the moment she fell for Rivkin.

He thought about Jenny. No matter what any one said, he would never forgive himself for her death. And every time he thought about it, he found some new angle from which to berate himself.

He thought about Gibbs. Or, rather, he thought about the Gibbs who had once been - before the explosion, before Mexico, before Jenny. He wondered if he had ever really known that man. He wondered if he would ever really know the man who had taken his place.

And finally he thought about himself. He thought about all the people he had been in the past. In some ways he enjoyed who he was now and in others he missed who he had been. He wondered who he would be in the future and how the people in his life would influence that.

Tony stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He looked in the mirror and just stared into his own eyes. They held a thousand tales of death and destruction, love and loss. Yet somehow there was still room for a glimmer of hope, and that was what he swore he would hold onto.